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Revised: We are Going to Live on Mars
by: Arthur Zulu Good news is hard to come by these days. But alas there is one. Man will soon be living on the red planet Mars. The Journey started on a good foot. The space rocket Spirit successfully landed on the planet. It began photographing and digging up Mars and sending messages back to the earth that will soon be vacated. And there is back slapping and clicking of glasses as we drink our wines. And we pray for Spirit and her sister rocket, Opportunity, to discover water (we need it badly) and perhaps some damned microorganisms hidden in rocks. That is the first phase of this Martian expedition. The next stage will be a manned flight by two dare-devil astronauts, who will be willing to make history by taking the two-month long trip. In order to make the trip exciting, the astronauts would first have to set camp on the moon. Yes, they would really have to take off from the moon to Mars. (This is not fiction.) And then after several successful flights and mapping of Mars, model houses would have to be built ahead of the Martian exodus. But why you may ask, are we migrating to Mars? The first reason is that terrorists have taken over this “ hell" of a place called earth, and nobody is safe anymore. Even if you were living on the tallest building or hiding in a cave. Cave? That is the worst. Because all the terrorists are now living under the mountains and spider holes in the bushes far from the prying eyes of cameras and secret agents. The other reason is that there is so much crime on this earth. Think of the murderers, the robbers, and the rapists. Too many guns! Too many bad people. Someone has either been murdered, robbed or raped as you read this. If that person is not you, give glory to God. Additionally, this earth has been polluted beyond any saying of it. The seas have been turned into sewers, toxic wastes dot the land, while fog have taken over the atmosphere. So you can see that this earth is no longer safe for habitation. Religious fundamentalists are not even helping matters. These preachers of hate encourage their followers to go about with knives hidden under their robes and bombs strapped to their waists with the intent to kill the 'infidels' and get a one-way ticket to heaven. And since there are so many heaven lovers, the ‘infidels' who are dwelling on earth have no place to hide. So these are the reasons why we must all vacate earth and go to live on Mars. But make no mistake about it. It will be easier for a camel to pass through the needle's eye than for you to get visa to Mars. Because there would be physical, mental, and moral security checks since no social psychopath would be needed on Mars. First, you would be photographed and finger printed. Then you would be required to pass through a machine that would search even your insides for weapon possession. And then psychiatrists would have to examine your brain for mental fitness. Meanwhile, the Interpol is double checking your past for any hint of crime record. If you pass all of these, you would then go to the moon for space travel orientation and survival drills. The course is rigorous because it includes how to survive on zero gravity, survival without oxygen, and how to survive below freezing point. If you pass that, then you have to think of how to pay your ticket fee to Mars. Because the amount is equal the annual budget of poor nations. And because we are not going to turn to spirits and fly to Mars. Since Mars is a very cold place, departure to the planet will be in this order. Those who live in the polar regions-- the coldest spots on earth -- will have the opportunity to go first. In that case, Greenlanders and Netherlanders in the north, and the Australians and New Zealanders down under, would make up the first settlement in Mars. ‘Lucky' folks. The Europeans and Americans would follow. Of course the Africans who are sun- friendly, would bring the rear. Pity them. They are always coming last When the good people would have been ‘spirited' to Mars, a rocket would be sent back to earth with five to burn the terrorists, the murderers, the robbers, and the religious fanatics. (Since they are not with us, they are against us.) Up there in Mars, there would be no terrorist, because no one is allowed to carry guns. Except the governors of Mars who made the Martian dream a reality. And in an atmosphere of peace, we recline on the red planet and drink our red wines -- made in Mars of course. Many years after, the story would be told to our grand-children of how a certain earth was destroyed. And they would look down from Mars and pity former planet earth. But I fear that after our generation is gone, some terrorists would spring up from Mars, and our grandchildren, sorry, opporunity children, would destroy the planet and head for Jupiter, and pass on the story to their grandchildren. Now let the journey begin. ARTHUR ZULU an editor and book reviewer, is the author of the controversial book, CHASING SHADOWS!: A Dream. (A book that reveals the terrorists' master plan to finally set the world on fire!) ARTHUR ZULU an editor and book reviewer, is the author of the controversial book, CHASING SHADOWS!: A Dream. (A book that reveals the terrorists' master plan to finally set the world on fire!)
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